[nail-biting]

I am a nail-biter. I hate that about myself. I've always envied women who have nice, long, healthy, French-manicured nails. Mine are short, stubby, and uneven. They're not too pretty to say the least. And on top of that, nail-biting is just gross.

I don't really like biting my nails. [Who does?] It's more of a nervous habit that I've picked up. Most of the time I'm not even conscious of my nail-biting. It's something that I've done for years and I suppose I do it when I'm thinking. I know I do it when I'm studying or writing a paper for my classes. In fact, I think I've bitten my nails while even writing this post. Funny, isn't it? The thing I'm writing about hating is the very thing I'm doing. Oh the ironies of life…

I know this may sound strange, but my nail-biting habit is really something that has brought me to a deep, theological pondering. Sin is something that is naturally ingrained in our lives. Our "flesh"- our natural tendency- is to do what only pleases me and bring me glory. Sometimes we aren't even aware that the choices we make are self-pleasing. Sinful thoughts, desires, attitudes, actions, and behaviors define humanity. It is only by the power of God through the atonement of Jesus Christ and with the guidance of the Holy Spirit that we can even be aware of this nature of sin. Once we are aware of that nature, we still have the choice to "die to ourselves" and choose to become set apart, holy. It's so difficult to make that choice! Why? Because sin is so naturally a part of us. "Breaking the habit" so to speak is a very tough thing to do [just ask any nail-biter] even when understanding the benefits of giving it up.

I want to be a godly woman. My heart cries out to serve God with my whole being- and yet I still have those bad habits that keep me from being Holy. I choose to let the Holy Spirit work in me to transform my thinking, acting, believing, and desiring. It's hard, but my choice is to follow Him- knowing that breaking my sinful habits will be hard and will require much self-control, discipline, and practice (and trust!).

Now if only I could break the nail-biting habit…