[happenings]

I'm writing today because I want to keep myself writing. Whatever comes to mind, I want to write it down. Just like that. Keep my life documented so I can "see" and "hear" my own thoughts and ideas.

I'm entering a scary part of life. I think I hit that realization while musing before Christmas. I've realized that I'm scared of a lot of things. I'm scared that I won't know how to live life after I graduate. I'm scared that I'll be one of those people who has to face life alone. I'm scared that I won't find a job, place to live, etc. I'm scared that no one will like me.

Now, most of those fears are not really rational. All my life I've been loved, cared about, and independent. I "know" that I'll succeed; there's no reason for me to believe that I won't. And maybe I will go through life single- and that's something I'm scared of- but I think that I overthink that too much as well. It's possible, but it becomes even more possible when I've destined myself to such an end. I'm a lovable, outgoing, personable, caring person. There's much in my life that I have to overcome- and there are some obstacles that I must face for any relationship, but I have the hope that God has a will for my life- and I will follow that no matter what.

There are some things that I believe I just know are things that I need to do in my life. You know, sometimes that are things that you know without a doubt are right; You know that you should do this or that or that you were meant to be doing something because it is so right. The things in my life that I know are right are these: I know that it is right for me to be pursuing a degree in Counseling. My heart and my soul are so wrapped up and intertwined with this desire. I believe firmly that this is where I am meant to serve and give my life. I'm scared of it because there's much I don't know and much I need to overcome to accomplish this, but there is nothing that makes me think that I shouldn't be doing this. I know that when I graduate in May that it's time for me to move out and find my own place. I know that. I know that I'm going to be ok, no matter what life circumstances come my way. I'm scared to death of never finding love- but that shouldn't handicap me. Even if I am destined to be single forever, I'll be ok. I know that.

One of my goals this year is to not worry about what others think of me. I want to be 100% genuine and real. I want to not judge others. I want to be truly loving. I want to have real fun. I want to be confident in who I am and where I am going.

God, help me to glorify You by being full in You and therefore becoming fully me!!!