I am joyful. I've been feeling really good lately. High spirits, good hopes, happy thoughts. It feels great- but at the same time I don't want to be so up that I miss those around me who are so down. When I speak with someone I want to make sure that I am truly "all there." But I also want to recognize that meeting someone where they are does not mean I have to sacrifice and permanently bring myself down, I just have to be aware of where I am and where they are and how I can meet them at that spot. I'm learning how to do that. It's good though. J

Grad school is going well! I find that I don't study nearly as much as I thought I would…most of what I'm learning is not new information, so it's quite easy to follow along. I know that eventually we'll get into some harder stuff, but right now it's nice to just follow along. I really need to get on top of writing some of those papers though. No procrastinating! :P

Anyway, I'm off to Counseling Skills here pretty soon. I hope to learn a lot from this class- may it shape me to be not only a good counselor, but a better person in general.

To God be the glory! J

It’s a process…

The journey of life takes us through a huge process of growth. And for some odd reason, I keep thinking that at specific points in my life I've arrived at a certain location in which there is no more growth needed. When I reach a level, for example, Grad school, I somehow expect myself to have arrived and to now be well and on my way to doing what I dream. What I fail to realize is that my dream is going to take me through that previously mentioned process. And that process always involves realization, awareness, pain, obstacles, humility, healing, epiphanies, change, and ultimately joy. And then the process continues, but never in the same order. Growth is what we desire, but without all the stuff in between. It's kind of like trying to eat a plate of salad without messing with the fork and awkwardly stuffing lettuce into your mouth. It just can't be done without all the messy stuff in between. That's what I'm learning right now.

I'm learning that no matter how many times you think you learn something, you can always learn it again. I'm also learning that really, it's not about me. One of my greatest enemies is myself. When I focus on myself, I fail to remember that my identity and confidence is in Jesus Christ. Because of this, I eventually wane and fail. Anxiety creeps in and I forget that God is my Refuge and my Hope. Christ is my deliverer and atonement. And the Holy Spirit testifies with my spirit and God's. That is where my identity lies. And that produces fruit in the midst of these struggles called the process of growth. I am whole in the Lord and He is my strength.

Growing is an opportunity to shape your character. And God calls us each to have impeccable characters. He tells us to be holy because He is holy. He desires that we live with attitudes of humility, righteousness, and love. Now, we can't do this on our own, but the Spirit produces what is good and true in us. He transforms us and helps us to be people of good character. Welcome growth (which is different from pain), however hard it may be. God does not desire His Children to be in pain, but this world is still not right- it's still broken. And because it is broken, we bleed. But, praise God there's hope because Jesus Christ is our atonement and we are whole and holy in Him. No, don't welcome and rejoice in the pain, but rejoice with Christ in you who has overcome the pain. And through Christ you now have the opportunity to walk with hope through whatever it is that has caused you to experience the process of growth. Recognize that because you have this circumstance, this pain, this heartache, you now have God's grace at work in your life- your character is being shaped to look like Jesus'. And that is worth it all.

Here we go…

It's here! The very first day of Grad School. I must say, I'm slightly nervous, slightly excited, and definitely asking what I got myself into! So far my transition and move has been a rollercoaster. So much has happened in the last week alone that I'm truly unsure of which way is left and which way is right. It will settle down and things will become normal again, but it's all chaotic at the moment. I'm establishing a new "normal."

I find that I learn new things about myself whenever I have a fresh start. I'm learning that I really lack confidence in a lot of situations. When I feel out of place or uncomfortable I tend to shut down rather than step up and be who I believe myself to be. I also tend to become super insecure when I have no reason to be insecure. I am a capable, friendly young woman and I can take care of myself. Lord, help me be confident in my abilities and become a woman of excellence! There is no reason to shy away or freak out or become stressed. It's all for YOU, God. Give me the strength to be who I am in You today.

I'm so excited! This is the beginning of something wonderful and amazing! No reason to be nervous at all. God is good and I will do my best to not be nervous, not be anxious, and be myself. No nervous laughter for me. : )

Here's to the first day!

Grad School

I am SO loving Grad School. And this whole being on my own thing- EXACTLY what I needed. I am in awe of how everything is fitting together and how Jennifer and I are perfect roommates, and my program is perfect, and the area is perfect. God is SO good- and I praise Him for everything that is happening! J

Today has been a weird day though. I woke up with an enormous headache, so I couldn't sleep very well. I got up early and took some Extra Strength Tylenol, but that didn't work. Eventually I made it to the bathroom where I got sick. Definitely not a good way to start the day. However, later Jen and I made pancakes and chatted a little while, so I'm feeling a little better. I think it's allergies, so I'm going to get some meds here in a few.

We haven't met too many new people, but I'm sure we'll start making friends and colleagues soon. I'm dying to visit a church and get plugged in! Until then, though, I am reminded that God has blessed me by giving me such an amazing woman as my roommate. J

I'm gonna head out for those meds now. Peace.

okay. goal for tomorrow:

7:30am wake up
7:35am go running
8:00am take shower
8:15am breakfast/devos
10:00am clean
12:00pm lunch
12:30pm read
1:30pm clean/apartment search
5:00pm dinner
7:00pm visit Crystal
10:00pm go to sleep

hold me to that!

I get to teach about Mary and Martha tomorrow in Church! I'm a little nervous because I haven't ever taught high school girls before, but I'm hoping it goes well. I didn't exactly prepare a full-out lesson, so we will see how it goes. I'm still trying to feel it out to see how these girls react and interact with each other. I'm praying that their hearts and minds are changed as a result of this class! God, work through me to accomplish your will...

Also- tomorrow night I get to see Phantom of the Opera! Live! i'm SO excited. Can't wait to finally experience the magic. :)

on blogging...

I need to blog. I think I've figured that out.

I just went from an environment where people surrounded me and where I was able to talk out my innermost thoughts and feelings to an environment where there are fewer people and fewer chances for me to really work through my life issues. That's a change. I find that I really need to say what's on my mind but instead I go off and do something mind-less so I don't have to continue to grow. Well, I hope blogging will help stop that.

Of course, part of putting your thoughts out there is getting feedback. Part of the whole reason we confess is because someone else hears our pain or understands what we are thinking. Or sometimes we just want to tell someone something. I know that hardly anyone reads this. But I think I need to tell myself that it's super popular and I'm widely read. Maybe that will motivate me to keep writing.

Well, anyways. I need to blog. It's what will help me grow, motivate me to change, and keep me from living that mediocre life that creeps up on those who have far too much freetime.

See ya around. :)